Full Circle: My Sexual Health Education Journey

“Her technique was to shame people into making the right decisions, not to empower us to make the best decision we can make.”

MORGAN WEBER | BY-LA PROGRAM COORDINATOR

I remember my first day of sex ed. I was in middle school and I was super excited. “Finally,” I thought, “I am going to learn about this mystical sex-thing.” Lo and behold, I was very surprised when class ended. I came away from that class having learned nothing; nothing about protection, nothing about pregnancy and, definitely, nothing about sex. I do not know why I had expected to learn about sex in Catholic school, but I did. That day I left feeling very disappointed, particularly since only one form of love was shown; straight, white, married and abstinent. Most disappointing of all was that there was no representation of people of color.

Fast forward years later at my Catholic, all-girls high school, and sex education was back. The whole school was ushered into the gym and stared at a huge screen. Image after image of the worst-case scenarios of STIs were shown. I was mortified as a 14-year-old. I covered my eyes throughout the whole thing, so what little good (or bad) it could have done was completely missed. After that, the only other times sex education was brought up were during anatomy and physiology. Oh, and one other time when we had a speaker.

Our speaker was a counselor who was born to a Mexican immigrant who had been raped during her journey crossing the border. Her mother was faced with the tough decisions of raising a child in a foreign land. This segued into how her mother was able to make “right decisions” and how sex outside of marriage leads only to bad decisions. She stated everyone thinks “not me,” whether it comes to pregnancy or STDs. Looking back on it now, I do remember many girls leaving the room crying and ashamed because they had sex and may have gotten pregnant. Her technique was to shame people into making the right decisions, not to empower us to make the best decision we can make.

So that was my “sexual education.” Everything else was on my own via books, the internet, or from my ill-informed friends who meant well, but probably did more harm than good. For example, books made me think that sex was beautiful and completely romantic. Your first sexual partner would be “The One,” and you would live happily ever after. Then, when I saw porn for the first time, sex was stripped of all romance and caring. I tried to wrap my head around this notion, that some people do not hold sex in such high regard. In fact, one of my guy friends described it as similar to using the bathroom in a girl and that sex was just a bodily function. I still find the analogy disgusting. My friends also taught me sexual slang and told me about their own sexual experiences. And, I will forever remember the rumor of a girl who was caught performing oral sex underneath a table at a high school dance. Sex became something dirty and underground compared to the loving exchange between partners I had initially read about.

As an adult and as a sex educator, I now have the opportunity to reflect on my own sex ed experiences and bring to it what I wish I had. Learning and teaching the curriculum has taught me how much I missed and what mistakes I could have avoided if I had received guidance. Yes, abstinence was taught to me and, honestly, it may be the best option for some people. But in the process, I was also taught to feel ashamed of my body and the changes it was undergoing. Now, I am in a position to make a difference by making people aware of the importance of sex education. Sex education should incorporate knowledge about the body and the changes it undergoes. It should teach students about safe practices and empower them to make proud, informed choices. Sex education should be about healthy relationships and communication. Lastly, but definitely not finally, sex education should teach about the laws and policies that are in place and help students to understand them in the context of their own lives.

Now that leads me to the misconceptions about what I do. I have only been in this role for a short time, but I am constantly surprised at what people think I teach. Some people think I teach pre-teens and teens how to perform sex or how to please and touch their partners. Others just think I have some bananas and show students how to put on condoms. In reality, the core of what I teach is that it is very important to listen to your partner and their needs and make sure everyone involved is comfortable and consensual. I love informing people of the reality of what we teach here at IWES, especially addressing the misconceptions about STIs and our bodies. I also love the range of topics we teach about, which includes: consent, goals and dreams, puberty, the parts of the body, STIs, condom usage and birth control methods.

With all this being said, I know I have much more to learn. I remember that little girl who was in sex ed, and now know what she needed to hear but wasn’t given. She needed comprehensive sex education and freedom from shame, which is what I will be teaching to the youth who go through our program.

“In reality, the core of what I teach is that it is very important to listen to your partner and their needs and make sure everyone involved is comfortable and consensual.”