Walking Through Life with a Heart of Compassion

Angela L. Lockley | Sr. Program Manager of Community Engagement

Being the eldest of four children growing up in New Orleans, or more specifically the 17th ward, aka Hollygrove, I did not understand how trauma and life challenges affected me. 

My parents divorced when I was about 5 years old and this led my mother to move from a middle-class neighborhood in Gentilly to a double-home shotgun house that my grandmother owned on the corner of Hamilton and Colapissa Street. My grandmother reconstructed her house by knocking down walls to make the double shotgun house one large home to bring a feeling of togetherness to a broken family. This is just one of many examples of the pure love and generosity that Alice Petty, or as I and others referred to her, Grammy, showed.

As my mother worked multiple jobs and spent more time away from us, Grammy became the primary caretaker. There was always a smell coming from the kitchen that made you think you were about to dine at the world’s greatest Soul Food restaurant and bakery. While my siblings went off to play and join other activities, I was drawn to the kitchen where Grammy hummed hymns and poured love into the pots and oven. You could smell the deliciousness a mile away! Folks from the neighborhood would come through our gate, knock on the big window that had a reed fan blowing, and ask for a taste. Grammy, who I think was born with a permanent smile on her face, would greet the passersby and gladly hand them a plate of her warm love. Along with the plate, she would offer words of encouragement, a scripture, and/or a listening ear. 

I could remember countless times watching Grammy do what we could consider therapy in today's time. “Come sit down baby, for now, let the day go and eat,” is what she would say. She would listen to others with such intent and empathy. With her big black Bible that had its special place on the kitchen table, after listening she would sometimes use scripture to soothe and comfort. Grammy would interact with everyone she came across with such authentic endearment. I remember asking her why she took so much time listening and attending to others and she replied,

“Honey, you have to walk through life with a heart of compassion.”

She would say that you never know what someone is going through, and how you interact with them could be the difference between their breaking point or them making a turnaround and having hope. Grammy used compassion as her most powerful seasoning to build relationships and help heal in the kitchen and the community. 

Little did I know, Grammy had been instilling my life’s purpose in my heart all along. I began my career in education and spent over two decades working closely with students and families, many of whom experienced hardships and challenges, so compassion was the guiding light I used to interact with students, families, and teachers. During my career as an educator, I supported my schools by building a community of compassion and understanding; I learned to be curious rather than judgemental. Curiosity leads one to want to understand what someone is going through (mentally and emotionally), which then leads to being able to help and support them the best way one can. In an interview from 2020, when Dr. Nadine Burke Harris — the former Surgeon General of California and an expert on the impact of childhood adversity — was asked what can be done to support those who have had traumatic experiences, she mentioned healthy relationships as an important factor to counteract an overactive stress response. When you interact with people from a place of love and compassion, that helps break barriers, have less tension, and create more openness to connections with all things in life. Leaning into compassion lends to being open to listening and walking with someone as they trust you enough to share the pain and trauma they have experienced.

My work here at the Institute of Women and Ethnic Studies allows me to embed “Walking through life with a Heart of Compassion” within the Collective for Healthy Communities (CHC) and my work with the Coalition for Compassionate Schools (CCS) project. In general, CHC provides community-level interventions that promote well-being and resilience to provide support to different groups such as mothers and children, youth leaders, and school environments. The CCS uses a Trauma-Informed Multi-Tiered Systems of Support model to help schools build the capacity of school communities to create transformative change in education, specifically implementing and sustaining trauma-informed, healing-centered practices. To serve in both departments I must have benevolence and sincere care for all mankind. And even broader, looking at IWES’ vision as a whole, we aim to create environments and communities where health and wellness are valued and promoted so that people can have an enhanced quality of life. To me, fulfilling that vision means I must enter spaces with an open heart and the spirit of service. To walk as a servant allows me to have an open heart of compassion and love for others.

What I know through personal experiences and the experiences I have had with others is that we cannot take away painful exposures or trauma from a person. However, what we can do is provide hope through the way we engage and interact with them. Compassion could look like sharing a meal, giving encouraging words, or actively listening. The power of compassion can make individuals feel like they are cared about and they matter.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget about what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou